The Revelation

Determination

One day, probably three years ago, I realized something.  It didn’t start as a HUGE revelation, but rather something small like the flicker of a flame on match.  It was something so tiny and fragile it could be extinguished with just a whoosh of breath.  However, unlike so many other ideas in life, this one didn’t get extinguished.  Instead, it began to grow.

It started as flicker one day as I ran, wearing 3/4 length pants because I’m very conscious of my non-runner’s legs, barefoot, in the sprinkle of summer rain, on the side of a country road.  As I counted my miles, released my stress, and concentrated on the feel of the water splashing against my naked soles the idea grew.  I realized, this was me.  I was this woman running barefoot in the rain on purpose.  I wasn’t the norm and my husband didn’t agree with it, but I was doing anyway.  Why?

I’ve always been unconventional, fiercely independent, creative, joyful, adventurous, and driven.  What did this mean?  All these things, now that I was married I found I was being mocked for.  His family called me disrespectful because I didn’t take his name.  He thought I was stupid for running barefoot or for even running at all because of my health.  The dance I loved so much was awesome before we got married, but not as cool afterward.  Why?  And why didn’t I want to be this society “norm” a woman who wanted to cook and clean for her man?  So, what did I want?

And that is where the journey of this wild woman begins.